This  month, we have been thinking about the power behind learning to listen better. In a world full of so much complex variety, it’s understandable that sometimes we forget to listen to others’ stories. Not only does it help us engage more with the world around us, but through listening actively to others, we can help them feel seen and valued. Through this empathetic practice, we can strive to make the world a little bit kinder one step at a time. 

Sometimes when we hear others talk about unfamiliar realities, that we don’t fully understand or relate to, our gut instinct is to judge. Often this instinctive judgement can’t be avoided, but what we can do is work on moving through it. Through challenging these misconceptions, and working on actively listening, we can reap a wealth of rewards for ourselves and the people who surround us. So let’s keep an open mind and listen to others! 

Listening to others’ stories on social media 

One way we can listen to others without directly interacting is through the wonderful world of social media. Only thing is, we often predominantly follow/befriend people who we are very similar to, whether with our lifestyles, opinions or general experiences. While this is understandable, when we do this, we often stop learning about or engaging in realties that vary from our own. Our social media feeds almost become an echo chamber, and we forget about the variety that the world contains. While we think we have an open mind, we are only engaging in and observing a limited view. Through the practice of expanding our horizons, we both open our minds, extend our understanding, and also reaffirm our views on some topics. Through being challenged, and working through it, we can be assured and founded in our understanding. 

But I hear you ask “how can I improve my listening skills once I’m talking to someone?” 

Active listening can be understood as the bridge between literally listening, and helping someone feel actually heard. Here are just a few tips and tricks to practice active listening: 

• Be present – not only avoid distractions (such as phones/Tvs etc) while talking to someone, try and focus on what the other person is saying without pre-empting or planning the conversation. I know this is challenging and nerve-wracking sometimes (and something I have to actively work on) but the other person often values your focus and attention more than actually wanting practical solutions. 
• Physical cues to show that you’re engaging with what they’re saying. This includes nodding, eye contact and smiling (if appropriate).   
• Verbal feedback – you can ask questions that almost rephrase what they’ve been saying, such as “ah so you feel ….?” This shows that you are engaging and trying to understand their concerns. One thing though, don’t interrupt their attempts to do so! 
• Asking open questions – these prompt the other person to expand and keep talking, reassuring them that you are actually interested in what they have to say.  

Sometimes we don’t want/need someone to solve all our problems in the current moment, we just want the opportunity to give them space, to be reassured that they’re valid. I know its hard to sit tight while a loved one is struggling verbally through an issue, but sometimes the best way we can support them is to listen and help them feel heard. These active listening techniques can help you along on your way. 

All of these help the other person feel appreciated, valued and listened to. By actively working on trying to pay more attention to others, and opening ourselves up, we can make the world at least a little bit better. 

Always, 

Imogen x